Ways to Die in Australia

So I've now been in Australia for two months, and have managed to survive despite the plethora of dangerous creatures waiting to eat me around every corner...



HOWEVER, I have found that Oz is a very dangerous place indeed and have compiled this list to inform you of the REAL dangers of Australia:


1). Now I have even more reason to hate pigeons. These blasted birds are a menace to society and actually do lurk around every corner, just waiting for you to walk by so they can poop on you. I've had to dodge several attempts on my life on the way to university. Pigeons are not a laughing matter folks. Danger.



2). Who would have thought that the lovable, huggable kangaroo would lose it and go around punching people in the face? Don't let their adorableness fool you. This photographer will now think twice before approaching these vicious Australian icons.



3). Many are familiar with personable kiwi that is New Zealand's icon, however, many tend to forget it's more formidable cousin the cassowary. Same family as ostriches, emus, and kiwis, the cassowary is typically not a common creature you might interact with here in Australia. They live in the rainforests away from humans and generally keep to themselves. Yet, Cairns, or the town where the Great Barrier Reef is located, is right smack in the middle of the rainforest zone. I'm going there for our mid semester break and going on a hike to Mt. Sorrow right through the natural habitat of the cassowary. The name of the mountain should have tipped me off.



4). Alright, now you're probably thinking, Tierney, get serious. The likelihood of these things happening is slim to none. You're being melodramatic. To this I point out magpies. Magpies belong to the crow family, and at first glance, look like very cool birds. They can generally be found around the various city parks or just hanging outside my window squawking at 6am on a Saturday morning. Nice right? WRONG. At the end of winter and early spring in Melbourne (looks at calendar...), these birds begin mating. And as your parents have informed you, mating brings the babies. The babies bring crazed mothers. Crazed mothers will chase you down and peck your eyes out. No joke. About this time of year, Australians can be found cautiously looking around, waiting for these aerial demons to swoop down from their nests and attack you. Cyclists can also be found wearing helmets with eyes painted on top so as to assure the safety of the real things. This poor girl never knew what was coming:







5). Boxed wine or fondly known as "Goon". Here in Australia, there is a good possibility that international students could experience death by goon. The best part is that I googled "Coolabah" to find our typical drink of choice, and found that this gem of a picture was on an American student's blog! Typical. Even stranger is that he was in the same program as another Wofford student in a completely different part of Australia. Small world.




6). And finally (mostly because I'm lazy), the tram. Melbourne's primary public transportation service. These don't move particularly fast or even have a pleasant little bell to warn you that it's headed straight for you. Most Melbournians don't experience trouble with trams. However, I have the circle of death to contend with in order to make it to my classes at the University. The circle is a large roundabout where cars, buses, insane cyclists and trams converge and spit out in several directions leading to various destinations in the city. Crossing at peak hour I take my life into my own hands and brave the circle, all in the name of learning. A valued education right there.

Studying in the City

I sometimes forget that the reason I'm in Melbourne is to study. There's so many fun things to see and do that it's easy to get caught up in it. Such as the Mexican restaurant below...



Thankfully though, I have a friend here that is willing to kick my butt into studying. We decided to leave our cramped rooms behind and head into the city to study at a local cafe. Our apartments are in a great location. We're about a ten minute walk from the heart of the city (known as Melbourne CBD), a five minute walk from campus (though often takes longer during peak hour traffic as I have to dodge trams and cars), and about a ten minute walk to Lygon Street (a Little Italy of sorts though some great Indian and Thai restaurants are there too).

We chose to head to Lygon street, thinking that the cafes would be a little calmer than the hustle and bustle of the city. Wrong. The cafes were all pretty lively, but it was an enjoyable atmosphere so we plunked down at one of the many places offering great coffee and hot food. I actually accomplished quite a bit of work, much to my surprise, and even found some time to squeeze in a little people watching. A table of men next to us boldly flirted with the waitress, and even they had success, scoring a phone number from her friend whilst one of the men flexed his biceps on request. It was incredibly difficult not to fall out of my chair laughing at this point.



I included below some pictures of the city and some of the parks that we walked through to get to Lygon street so you can get a better feel for Melbourne and it's hot mess of architecture styles. Keep in mind these were all taken on the 8 minute walk to the cafe..


Uni Melb


Strange random building..


Melbourne skyline


Houses on the way to Lygon


Environmental building materials company

The Gene Technology Access Centre

Money, it’s a gas.



I now have a job down under! I work at the Gene Technology Access Centre, or GTAC (all you science nerds should catch the reference…), and I teach local high school students about genetics and molecular biology. It has been both interesting and hilarious so far to work with Australian students. This is my fourth week of working there, and I love it so far.



The first labs that I worked on with them are a DNA restriction digest with gel electrophoresis, and then a DNA transformation with E. coli bacteria. I get a new group of students every week from around the state, and it’s been interesting to see how much each group knows. Some pipet like they’ve been doing it for years while others are trying it out for the first time. I just had a group from an all-boys high school, and they had a fantastic time ignoring my pleas to stop shooting the pipet tips at each other… I also am getting better at using the metric system even though in my first week I inadvertently called a student heavy (I said that 90kg was big when the student was 105kg… I blamed American ignorance on that one). The most common question I get in the lab is, “Can I eat that?” This can refer to many things from the food dye I use to demonstrate pipet technique to the agarose gel on which we run our DNA samples. One kid actually sucked on some of the food dye that was on his hands and subsequently turned his front teeth green. His friends didn’t let him live that down very quickly.

The people that I work with at GTAC are fantastic. The education officers are extra helpful and it’s extremely interesting listening to the other demonstrators’ research. This job is typically offered only to post-graduate students, but I was lucky enough to get a spot here. Most everyone is working on their PhD or Masters, so it’s been cool to listen about the diversity of topics that everyone is pursuing. One girl is working with a live strain of Malaria so I’m making sure to always wash my hands after working with her! I’ll post more funny stories later as they occur!


My lab bench!


Double helix staircase.